Read on for some 3am drivel...

It happens to all of us, and it happens somewhere between the hours 3 and 5am. Sobriety departs and with it all logic, reason, and sometimes even the laws of physics. The cause is not alcoholic in nature, but it is no less addictive and no less harmful. It is called sleep deprivation, and it represents the leading factor behind approximately 87% of suicidal rampages. As a side note, of the remaining 13 percentage points three are attributed to drugs or alcohol or a lethal combination of both, two to parental abuse, and eight to Ashlee Simpson or one of her fans.

(silence)

Nothing. Not even a titter?

Fine. Moving on.

Generally, as proof of the inherent danger that can be found in the irresponsible and reckless denial of rest to ones own body, scholars point to Robert De Niro's character in Martin Scorsese' manically depressing, noirish Taxi Driver. A semi-respectable blue-collar worker gets a job as a taxi driver (hence the very creative and refreshingly subtle film title) where he works 14+ hours a day and sleeps 5-, leading to a downward spiral that turns him into this:



Are you not exceedingly disturbed? Please do not pretend to be unaffected mentally and emotionally and spiritually by the image above. You are only fooling yourself.

You have been warned. Do not follow in the footsteps of the above taxi driver or you too might end up with an 80s mohawk. Under no circumstances must you allow this. Whatever the cause for your cold-hearted rejection of God's precious gift of sleep (second only to the gift of life), you simply must address the issue. Whether by the carrot (wanting to be not like Robert DeNiro) or the stick (not wanting to be like Robert DeNiro), I am certain that a single viewing Taxi Driver will give you a new, refreshing perspective on the damaging effects of sleep deprivation, and with it free tuna sandwhich.

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