My Wednesday Sucked, or Garfield Was Wrong About One Thing...
by Daniel Ogletree
starring Daniel Ogletree
Dude w/ Mullet #1: [in Fairmont Apartment parking lot, casually conversing with second tool sporting similar mullet] "Hey, let's do something fun before we go home and beat our wives while drinking beer at the same time."
Daniel wakes up with a start. 8:53. He heads to class in hurried fashion.
Dude w/ Mullet #2: "Yeah, I know this kid that goes to Baylor named Daniel. I don't know why. But I do. And I have a feeling he's going to park his car here. Again, I don't know why but I do. I'm pretty sure he has a Tahoe, but I'm not 100%. Anyway, let's tow it after he parks."
Daniel parks car in Fairmont parking lot unaware of two mulleteers standing next to truck. He walks in hurried fashion to Intro to Music where his professor lectures on Brokeback Mountain and the nature of full frontal nudity in film. What this has to do with music, Daniel hasn't the slightest clue.
Dude w/ Mullet #1: "Dude you are so amazing. Where do you get these amazing abilities?"
Daniel goes to drawing class and discovers that he earned a D on his latest homework assignment. He is not pleased because he has never made a D in his life. He did make a 35 on a Christian Heritage midterm once but a 35 qualifies as an F which is not a D. As a matter of fact, F is an entirely different letter from D and is separated by the letter E in the formal English alphabet. Daniel knows this because he made As, not Fs or freaking Ds, in grammar school.
Dude w/ Mullet #2: "I worship Satan. Tow King, Inc. worships Satan, and he lends us his diabolical powers."
Daniel then makes his way to Latin and finds upon walking into the classroom that he must translate a sentence to English. He is not familiar with any of the words and he creates many long silences during the translation period. During one of said pauses his cell phone goes off. Coldplay. This is the first time in Daniel's life that he is not happy to hear Chris Martin's voice.
Dude w/ Mullet #3: "Hey guys, what's up?"
Dude w/ Mullet #2: "We are in fact just about to screw someone over. Care to join us?"
Dude w/ Mullet #1: "Let's do this." [they do it]
Daniel has an interview for a work-study job. He is hired and he feels that all his wrongs have been righted. Walking triumphantly to his car which has ceased to exist on Baylor campus, he slowly realizes that he has been set back about $200. He feels like cursing, but instead prays that his oppressors would come to know Jesus because, as everybody knows...
